


The Family Group Chat and Other Assorted Messages

by Animal_Arithmetic



Series: Upon These Golden Sands I Built My House of Dreams [7]
Category: Supernatural, The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Coming Out, Family Shenanigans, Gen, Humor, Jaskier uses way too many emojis, M/M, Texting, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22482460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animal_Arithmetic/pseuds/Animal_Arithmetic
Summary: With the Rivias spread out now that Sam and Dean are grown and moved out, they all keep in touch by texting.Humor and annoyances abound.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Jesse Turner & Dean Winchester, Jesse Turner & Sam Winchester
Series: Upon These Golden Sands I Built My House of Dreams [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614880
Comments: 29
Kudos: 638





	1. Jesse > Dean

Jesse > Dean

  
 **Jesse**  
Hey can I ask you something?

**Dean**

Why are you messaging me here

**  
Jesse**  
Bc I want to shut up

  
**Dean**  
Okayyyyy what’s the problem

**Jesse**  
I didn’t say there was a problem 

**Dean**  
...

**Jesse changed Dean’s name to #1 Annoyance**

**#1 Annoyance**

Aww I’m your favorite

**Jesse**

Pretty sure you’re fucking stupid

It says number one ANNOYANCE

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
It says #1 brother on my end

**Jesse**  
stfu this is serious

  
**#1 Annoyance**

Okay okay lay it on me

Jesse? You ok buddy?

  
**Jesse**  
How did you know

If

You know

Shut up stop typing don’t make a joke I’m trying

How do you know if you’re gay?

**#1 Annoyance**  
Ok we’ll come back to you freaking out coming out to your bisexual brother later

**Jesse**  
I wasn’t!!!!!

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
.....

Jesse. 

**Jesse**  
Asshole

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
Why are you asking

  
**Jesse**  
Well...

**#1 Annoyance**  
Lemme guess 

There’s a boy

And you can’t decide if you wanna beat him up or kiss him

**Jesse**  
.........

How did you know?????

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
Apparently it’s a Thing

**Jesse**  
I’m surprised you didn’t tell me to go look at gay porn or something 

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
Mom would fucking kill me if he found out

**Jesse**  
It would be funny tho

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
Fuck you

**Jesse**  
No thanks

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
.........

**Jesse**  
You’re my brother dean

That’s gross

**#1 Annoyance**  
Shut up

... wanna talk about this boy?

  
**Jesse**  
What? 

No!

There’s no boy!

  
**#1 Annoyance**  
Ain’t fooling me kid

**Jesse**  
...

Yes please


	2. Jesse > Bro Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys need to figure out a Mother’s Day present.
> 
> It goes about as well as expected.

Jesse > Bro Chat

**Bro Bro Bro**

Psst

**Bro**

✔️ Read 5:32 PM

**Bro Bro Bro**

Did

Did you just

Type out

That you read it but you couldn’t be bothered to actually answer???

**Bro**

✔️ Read 5:32 PM  
  


**Bro Bro Bro**

You just copy pasted that!

Sam!

Saaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmm

**Bro Bro**

Jesus Christ what do you want

**Bro Bro Bro**

Dean’s being a dick

Also. I’m the antichrist

Get it right

**Bro Bro**

I literally don’t know what you want me to do about it 

And that joke was old like ten years ago

**Bro Bro Bro**

You’re bigger than he is 

Kick his ass

And it’s always funny

**Bro Bro**

I would but he’s too far away

**Bro**

Like you could

...

Bitch

**Bro Bro**

Don’t even

Jerk

Next time I’m home

Me and you

**Bro**

Bring it

**Bro Bro**

Also

Who changed the names?

And more importantly

WHY

**Bro**

Because it’s funny

**Bro Bro Bro**

Wait what am I named?

..........

Wtf Dean

**Bro**

It’s because you’re the third!   
  


**Bro Bro Bro**

Just because you’re right doesn’t mean it’s suddenly funny

**Bro**

It’s hilarious

**Bro Bro**

Jesse what did you want?

**Bro**

Don’t be rude

**Bro Bro**

Shut up

**Bro Bro Bro**

Oh yeah

Hey what are we doing for Mother’s Day 

Like

Can we split getting him something?

I am but a poor high school student 

And therefore broke

**Bro Bro**

You two are on your own

I already got my gift

**Bro**

What???

**Bro Bro**

It’s me

**Bro**

Ah

Yeah

That’s a good one

**Bro Bro Bro**

Yeah mom’s been whining about you being so far away

When are you moving back?

**Bro Bro**

Why? Do you miss me???

**Bro Bro Bro**

Duck no

Fuck*

It’s just

When mom starts whining about missing you

Dad takes him to their room and they

~disappear~ 

For like two hours

And they’re really loud

I didn’t want to know any of... THAT

**Bro**

😂😂😂😂😂

**Bro Bro**

Sucks to be you

**Bro Bro Bro**

It’s awful! It’s almost every day!!!

Please hurry back

**Bro Bro**

You’ll see me in like two weeks!

**Bro Bro Bro**

Hurry up asshole

Dean

Deannn

DEEEAAABNN

DEAN ASSHOLE RIVIA

**Bro**

Jesus kid

Calm down

Has mom hinted that he wants anything?

**Bro Bro Bro**

Uhhhhhhhhhh

He was complaining that his guitar case is a little worn down?

It looks fine to me

But you know how he is

**Bro**

Cool 

Go make sure dad isn’t already getting him one

**Bro Bro Bro**

????????????????????

Why can’t you??????????????

**Bro**

Because you’re literally right there?

**Bro Bro Bro**

I’m not actually

I’m at Sierra’s house

Her mom made me some lasagne ❤️  
I love one woman

**Bro Bro**

..............

**Bro Bro Bro**

Not like that! That’s gross!

**Bro**

**😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂**


	3. Mom > The Fam Chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment in the life of the Rivia family, spread out as they are and keeping in touch through texting.

Mom > The Fam Chat

**Mom**

Children today your 🧅🍆🤦🏼 sent me a 🦆 picture and it was really 😍😍😍 👋🏻😌🤪🤗🤑🤫🤣🥰😵👏🏻

  
**Sam**

... wtf?

  
**Dean**

Did you have a fuckin stroke?

  
**Jesse**

Unfortunately those were his exact reaction

  
**Dad**

Hmm

  
**Mom**

🛑 being mean to your 🤰🏻! 🤬😤😭😡😫😩🥺😶🤕😖😔😘

  
**Sam**

I’m in California. I shouldn’t be subjected to this bullshit. Someone remove me, please. I’m begging. I’ll do anything

  
**Mom**

Anything? 🤨🧐😱🤔🤭😲😵😧😨😔

  
**Sam**

a n y t h i n g

  
**Mom**

Then perish! 😈🤪😍😅😂🤣😇🙃☺️😉🥰😘😁

  
**Sam**

S T O P

**Jesse**

You’re lucky you’re so far away. I still have to live with it

  
**Mom**

eXcUsE mE 😡🤬😱😭👿🤧😫😩🥺😔😇 

  
**Dad**

Boys. Be nice to your mother. You know how sensitive he is

  
**Mom**

I’ll show YOU sensitive 😀😄🥰😘😉🤪🤠😈🤤😏🥳🍆

  
**Jesse**

Jesus fucking Christ look what you did now I have to listen to their loud sex  
  
THANKS A LOT YOU FUCK

  
**Sam**

ME?! I’m in California! You! 

  
**Jesse**

No u

  
You started it

  
Asking to be removed from the FAMILY CHAT

  
Like a HEATHEN

  
I’M the antichrist. Not you. Stop being mean to mom

  
**Dean**

All of you are ridiculous

  
**Sam**

Oh go fuck yourself dean.   
  


**Dean**

MOM. HES BULLYING ME

  
**Jesse**

So yeah it’s gonna be a while before either respond. I went to James’. I can’t listen to it again  
  


**Dean**

Ooooh James? Is he your ~boyfriend~?  
  


**Jesse**

Not you too

  
**Castiel**

Hello, Dean. Would you like to engage in coitus?

  
**Jesse**

OMFG CAS. THIS IS THE FAMILY CHAT  
  
I don’t need to know these things. Mom and dad are bad enough  
  


**Sam**

... I’m gonna go, too

  
**Jesse**

W H Y   
  
I didn’t need to know e v e r y o n e is fucking right now  
  
... guess I’ll go fuck James so I’m not left out I guess 🤷🏻‍♂️

**Dean**

I KNEW IT 

  
**Jesse**

F U C K O F F

**Mom**

Have safe sex sweeties 😘🥰🤪😫👿❤️😏🤣😉😝😖

**Jesse**

..............

Can I pull a Sam and leave for the other side of the country?

**Dad**

No

**Jesse**

God fucking damn it


	4. Buttercup > Honeybunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s something amiss in the texts between Geralt and Jaskier.....

Buttercup > Honeybunch

**Buttercup**

Love of my life

Honey dearest

Sweetums

Where did we hide the Christmas presents this year? I can’t find them

🥰😍😘😚🤪🤩🥳🤭🤗

**Honeybunch**

What do you want Jesse

**Buttercup**

Jesse?????

Geralt! It is I! Your darling wife! Are you cheating on me????? 

😡😭😖😣☺️🤪😒😵😐

**Honeybunch**

I know it’s you Jesse

**Buttercup**

How?????

**Honeybunch**

Besides the fact that your mother is the one who hid the presents this year? 

You didn’t use the right emojis

Or enough

**Buttercup**

??????????

Whaaaaat

**Honeybunch**

Yup

**Buttercup**

How the hell do you know that???

**Honeybunch**

Contrary to popular belief, I love your mother very much and pay attention to how he types 

Now give your mother his phone back

**Buttercup**

Fiiiiinnnnneeeee

**Honeybunch**

Just be patient. Christmas is next week. You’ll find out your presents then

**Buttercup**

You’re no fun

**Honeybunch**

Jask is the fun one

I’m the grumpy one

You’d think you would have figured that out by now

**Buttercup**

Whatever

**Honeybunch**

😘

**Buttercup**

Did you just use an emoji?????

I gotta tell Sam and Dean

**Honeybunch**

Go ahead

Not like my reputation can get any worse...

**Buttercup**

You do know that people thinking you have feelings isn’t the end of the world right?????

**Honeybunch**

But it is

**Buttercup**

..... don’t be so dramatic

**Honeybunch**

Just give your mother his phone back. I’ll be back in time for dinner 

**Buttercup**

Fine fine

See you later

**Honeybunch**

Bye kiddo 

**Author's Note:**

> This work is where I’ll post any little texting/chatting snippets, not in any particular order. Some I’ll write from my phone so we’ll see how it turns out lol it looks okay on mobile but when I get to my computer in a few days I’ll see if I still like the layout ha


End file.
